The Saga of The Good Elephant
by Ember Nickel
Summary: Instead of clones, the Republic's army is constituted of elephants. There are repercussions. ["Backstroke of the West" silliness; May the 4th 2018 gift for VampirePaladin.]


A few of the lines (and many more names) are from the original Backstroke of the West; many more are my own invention. Hope it's not too ridiculous to understand! ;)

* * *

Loxie eyed her airship's control panel as ships exploded around her, flaring and dying in momentary constellations. Just a day before, she had been taking in the fair, enjoying the diversity of Coruscant's vibrant species and foodstuffs. But the time for merrymaking was brief during the war; all too soon, she'd been recalled to service.

Adjusting the computer's aim slightly, she shot at the disgusting thing, emerging out of a Separatist fighter. It dissolved in a gooey mess, splattering the nearest unfortunate Republic fighters. Astromechs leaped into action, cleaning ships as they dodged and whirled.

Her job was easy, she reminded herself. The Hopeless Situation Warriors who had snuck onto the massive destroyer in search of the Prime Minister had a much harder task. If they never emerged, however, she was not sure how long she could wait before giving them all up for lost. She had trained for protecting the Republic, and more recently, under the leadership of the Presbyterian Church. Space combat on such a destructive scale was not in her arsenal.

But war was brutal. Humans and other life-forms alike were proud to serve, doing their best to guard the Republic. If elephants were asked to step up for the cause, it was the least she could do.

Pawing at the floor console with her foot, she steered away from another blast of fire and shot down a fighter. At last, a message sounded over the intercom.

"Like, have escaped their! Help us stay on the hoof!"

Nudging the control panel with her tusk, Loxie navigated towards the fray. Her squadron was under orders to save their payload until the evacuation, when lots of the secessionists' firepower would be directed at the escapees. Grinning, she dropped several bombs on the large destroyer.

The shock waves rippled throughout the fight. Even the Republic warriors reacted, pivoting away. "The Good Elephant in airship dropped what things?" asked one of the Hopeless Situation Warriors over the intercom.

"Did not relate to we the good elephant returns," said another.

"We is guarding you!" Loxie roared back. How had they not been informed of her and her colleagues' deployment?

She dropped another bomb on a smaller secessionist starship, and that depleted her supply. It was time to return to the planet, and if she could, keep the enemy's focus away from the returning Hopeless Situation Warriors. As Loxie careened through the atmosphere, her ship heated up around her, but she stayed the course. Lemon Avenue was coming into view, and she would never call its fruit sour again if she and her allies got out of the chase alive.

The lights of Coruscant blinked in welcome, and the decelerating airship reached the surface, skidding to a halt. It struck Loxie that, while she was not used to near-atmosphere combat, Hopeless Situation Warriors were probably not much better trained either. Hurriedly, she evacuated the ship just before her incoming comrades destroyed a nearby vacant control tower.

* * *

With the mission accomplished, Loxie was off-duty for several days until she could receive her next assignment. She had been tasked with the space mission because her friend Ratio Tile was on it, but he had expressed his hope that he could return to Parliamentary and other peaceful pursuits, and she would need to speed through hyperspace to another planet where the Presbyterian Church held sway. Perhaps she would be sent to the Pimping Mainland? If a wandering elephant in musth was there, well…

Loxie tried not to get ahead of herself. Allah Gold, Ratio Tile's young student, had sought her counsel, and it was her pleasure to assist him.

"What is raise?" she asked.

"Is much confuse with the Presbyterian Church," he explained, in frustration. "Is like, get include, but not be promotings."

Loxie nodded. "Happily to reach the chairses."

But Allah Gold did not seem particularly pleased with his precocious honor. "If to snoop friendship against the Prime Minister."

"Prime Minister finds you warriorly. And Presbyterian Church yous wanting."

"You think what?"

Loxie paused, sizing the young man up. His acceptance into the cabal of Hopeless Situation Warriors had been unorthodox, she knew; Ratio Tile told the story of how they had found him, on Tattoo, already a skilled pilot. Yet the Presbyterian Church was a place of peace, not for showing off one's flight ability. They had recruited _her_ for combat, as mediocre as she was. "Is many paths."

"Haven't you trust?" he asked, growing edgy.

"Believe be okay. Humans none get more strong and big than the Wish Power."

"You think I not be needed!" Allah Gold raged.

"Get quiet," she said. Humans, always so fast-paced and jumping to conclusions.

"Regretting. Thankses for talked." He walked off, alone with his thoughts, and Loxie let him retreat.

* * *

It wasn't long before Loxie received her orders to fly to the planet Steal Scare. Since the Prime Minister himself came from that watery world, some in the Parliament were afraid that his enemies might try disrupting the situation further. Though few others as accomplished as him remained on the planet, a small task force of Hopeless Situation Warriors had been sent there for peacekeeping, and she would have the honor of accompanying them.

She landed on a forested peninsula, then rode a monorail across the land to catch up with the Warriors who had preceded her there. The humans gave her a wide berth, seemingly more out of unfamiliarity than fear. Being much larger than then, she could not easily fit in their seats, nor would she have wanted to. The Shoot Starteds, however, crowded close, chattering in their own inscrutable dialect as they boarded and disembarked.

The Hopeless Situation Warriors were glad to see her, and while she had no news to report from the capital, they seemed to think that that was good news the way the war had been going. Like a flock of fish, they wanted to sail across a lake to investigate other parts of the land, and Loxie was invited to join them in a spacious boat.

As they sailed, a voice flashed in Loxie's mind. "Kill hour 60:00."

She curled her tusk around a blaster, feeling the urge to kill, to destroy—

—and then, ever the elephant, she _remembered_.

Remembered being taken to have an ID chip installed when she was just a calf. Remembered the secret commands that had been encoded into it, buried deep until they were activated. Remembered all the plots of the West she had overheard.

"Alert!" she yelled. "All Presbyterian Church in fast danger!"

"Danger?" asked one of the Warriors, a tall, green-skinned woman. "Is how?"

"Is West," Loxie tried to explain. "Sending my sisterses to take you off the hoof."

"You always is helping ours," another Warrior said.

"Was trap. Armies have bad code."

"Should find ones alone," he suggested to his friends. "Help in fight."

Another stared Loxie down. "Could our trust?"

"Much," she said. "Different soldiers I don't knowing, but as I, am good!"

"Close stick," said the first woman. "Will needing aiders."

They raced back to land and to the waiting spaceship, Loxie not complaining as she crammed in a back corner. Following the call of the Wish Power, they sailed from planet to planet, straining to find out where the Hopeless Situation Warriors still lived. Sometimes, they arrived too late, and could not save their friends from the betrayal of Loxie's fellow elephants. But on other occasions, they were fortunate enough to rescue the others, who had escaped the clutches of their would-be guardians. By the time it seemed like there were no more to be found, the ship was uncomfortably full.

"Should disabled animal death?" asked one of the newfound Warriors.

"Sum hidden command list?" another asked Loxie.

"Minutes possible," she said, "not warning imminent." It seemed like the Prime Minister had been more interested in making contingency plans than instituting an elaborate sequence of steps. It made sense; the more orders he had to issue, the more likely it was that more of her peers would remember.

"Let them stay on the hoof," declared one of the Warriors who had come from Steal Scare. "Risk conflict is helpless."

"Directions what?" asked someone else. "Returning Capitol might trapping."

The green woman turned to Loxie. "Having memories any use?"

Loxie tried to think back to the Western secrets she had been privy to. There was something about a war, and a hidden front? "Controlled group waited distant. Sound of...Needs Away."

"Maybe empty?" suggested someone. "Breath stifle here."

"If trap, want all Warriors," another pointed out. "Us not expectant. Can come over."

"Wish Power will stay together with us," was the consensus. "Ready yous for warming."

* * *

Needs Away was a brutally hot planet. Loxie wondered how bipeds could stand it. She certainly did not want to stay there any longer than necessary.

When they landed, the main control port was empty. One of the Hopeless Situation Warriors barked her credentials outside, to no avail. So, taking up her glow sword, she carved a hole in a side wall. The Warriors entered, followed by Loxie, who wound up enlarging the hole significantly on her way.

Inside, Loxie let out a wail of surprise. Yes, the Prime Minister's secret faction was there—but they had all been killed.

"Corpseses got char," summarized a short, silver-furred creature, after making a quick circuit of the building. "Is West."

"Is not true!" gasped another Warrior. "West been ran over."

"Are goodly at mask," someone else said.

They bickered and disputed the cause, without resolution other than that someone had gotten there first. "Should we run capital? This place quiet."

"Not in safety. If more elephants kill, when?" The man who said this shot a sheepish glance over at Loxie. "Not to mind."

Before they could agree on a course of action, however, another man raced in, clad in a Warrior's robe, and gripping his glow sword. "Is not right! You dead gone!"

"Allah Gold?" Loxie asked. The young man had been in distress over his place to belong, yet she could not have dared to imagine he would turn to serve the West.

"Not to strike," a loyal Warrior summarized. "We many count. You lonely pestilence."

"Evil power makes me strong and big!" Allah Gold retorted.

The Warriors glanced among themselves, as if in silent prayer. Before Loxie could hear a word of advice, they had lashed out with the Wish Power. Several disarmed Allah Gold, knocking his glow sword off the walking kitten and perilously close to the flows of lava below. Others pushed him back; he hit his head against the metal rails and groaned.

"Maybe not so strong or big," he admitted. "But Teacher can vanquish all!"

"Why you act how way?" demanded the Warriors, as one summoned up the discarded sword with her grasp of the Wish Power.

Allah Gold seemed close to tears. "Night horses, I found. Only colorless way can prevent."

"West lays many words," Loxie scolded him.

"Presbyterian Church cannot hear!" he cried back. "Will not respect husbandry."

"Husbandry?" echoed a Warrior.

"Is so!"

Loxie caught sight of yet another ship landing on the inhospitable planet. A woman she half-recognized from Parliament came dashing out, pulling up when she saw the gathered crowd. "Allah Gold? Happens what?"

"Gets the Rice!" he shouted, pulling himself to his feet, then turning to the Warriors. "Kill if need. Pull away Wish Power. Must trying her live."

"Explain saga," a Warrior suggested.

Allah Gold and Gets the Rice looked back and forth at each other. "You say."

As they glanced at each other, Ratio Tile snuck off the new ship, then quickly joined with the other Warriors, who grinned to see him alive. "I can venture."

"You is on the hoof?" Allah Gold asked. "Elephant guard you? Relief is mine."

While Loxie didn't want to claim any credit for the rescue of Ratio Tile, he shot her a meaningful look and said "Gladly!" before piecing together what he knew of Allah Gold's mysterious tale.

"Fault is many," he finally said. "You should remain in guard."

"Can excommunicate," said Allah Gold. "West power is very disturb."

"Does you love empire?" asked Gets the Rice. "Not free?"

"Not very," Allah Gold said.

"We lose much," said Ratio Tile. "Path not being to murder now. But change, all us need."

"Still times of cloud to be," said Gets the Rice. "Many ways to withstand, if not with glow sword."

"Can fly airship," grinned Allah Gold. "Is pleasure."

The Warriors exchanged a tentative smile.

"I also?" Loxie asked. "Not to navigate excellence."

"Few tusk good as this," said Ratio Tile. "Our draft were caution. Take free?"

"Would keep together," Loxie said. "Maybe airship none, but read computer? Sit infant? Resource quest?"

"Vowing, you can talk with our friendses," Gets the Rice said. "Come well to rebelling."

Loxie roared her approval. "Good good good!" The Milky Way situation was not so hopeless after all.


End file.
